I had intended to write something more on the cheerful and practical side, but that will have to wait until next time.
This entry was inspired by the following quote from an anonymous commenter on my “At the risk of alienating everybody…” post:
“Sooner or later men and women are going to have to recognize that the problems men blame on feminism, the problems women blame on patriarchy, and the atomization of anglo society is the culture itself. Its not the men, its not the women, its the culture. The complementary nature of Continental Feminism is rooted in its culture, and it shows what SHOULD have occurred in anglo society if the notion of women as the ‘owners of sex’ had been deconstructed as it was by the continental feminists. This has led to a view of male sexuality as a pathology.
Until the anglosphere gets over its archaic separate spheres doctrine men as an evil ogre, while assuming the female to be a penniless damsel, the atomization of anglo culture with continue.”
I think this post speaks a lot of what I believe “big picture” wise (barring the Continental Feminism, I haven’t read much about it, although I intend to, I just can’t speak to it now).
The culture at large has a general understanding of men and women that I find demeaning to both. Within the manosphere and feminism at large it seems like a series of compounding overreactions and oversimplifications. The man as “evil ogre” is something you can find evidence for; masculine sexuality, when perverted, leads to the worst manifestations of sexuality. The woman as penniless damsel is not nearly as bad, but is still dehumanising and harmful, although not for all of the reasons you might suspect.
On the road to becoming fully human, both sexes need to reach their fullest potential while recognizing that nature has carved out broad roles where the sexes diverge. I don’t care how strong and independent you think you are, if you are pregnant or a woman with small children, you are vulnerable. The male instinct to protect and provide is going to valuable to you like you wouldn’t believe. I have worked with a lot of single mothers of various stripes and their lives are wicked hard. This isn’t to say that none of these women brought this on themselves, but the tragedy is they brought it on their children as well. For all of that, their children are still a wonderful thing, who all have the potential for lives worth living.
If you are a man, your burden is by nature different. Your burden is that you are, in a sense, expendable.Vis-a-vis the propagation of mankind you just aren’t as necessary. This is a fact. This manifests itself in that, for most of us, apart from God, most likely your family and close friends if you have any, nobody gives a tinkers’ damn if you reproduce or are happy or anything else. And that’s okay. This is part of the reason you have a drive to prove yourself and proving yourself is the male equivalent of childbirth. Whether that is in industry, or war, or the realms of philosophy, the journey to prove yourself is fulfilling.
These are things that are distinct to men and women. They cannot be constructs, the biology is just too clear. Any culture that ignores or transposes these facts is begging for trouble.
Women (again, barring the outliers of the barren and so forth) cannot ignore the biology of when they are fertile or not. Men cannot ignore the biology of proving themselves worthy of continuing the species, of manifesting qualities worth passing on. Women who spend their lives trying to prove themselves in spheres that men biologically need more than they do, at the expense of reproduction, and men trying to engage in acts of reproduction without any real sense of whether or not they deserve to reproduce (the womanizing at the expense of self development) are symptoms of a sick culture.
A culture that values stable families and productive men will outstrip those that don’t. Look, the mass of people will work towards their own self interest only in a limited sense. It is not in the nature of uncontemplative man or woman to think that far ahead, and I mean a few years ahead, let alone eternity. People will chase dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin. Wise cultures bind those things up in the most profitable paths. Incidentally these paths tend to bring greater fulfillment.
This is where I have landed. Game developed so that in a more chaotic sexual culture, men who were not natural alphas could get what they want or need. It was in a response to the kind of chaos Anglosphere feminism had created. And both philosophies (Game as a philosophy of mating with as many attractive women. not merely a set of tools on how to be a man with a woman) are just childish bullshit. It’s quality versus quantity. One woman you love, who respects you, and who you know that you are internally sympatico with is just plain better than x number of orgasms. A worldview where you view yourself as victim turned victimizer (justified you understand, on account of [insert rationalization for bad behavior]) is just as sick.
Culture is key and it can only change one mind at a time. The decadence of the late Roman Empire eventually gave rise to the Middle Ages and Renaissance. When individual men and women decided they wanted more and found that more in God, the eruption of beauty that resulted still astounds the modern mind.
Climbing off the soap box and my own self indulgent ramblings, yes, it is true that there are statistics that show how poorly the average man or woman behaves in this sick culture of ours. But you don’t have to marry the average women in aggregate. My only hope is that I can help somebody become better than average and that they can marry better than average. With any luck it might someday be me.