On a gut level we all know that if we don’t have real hope about something, we can’t move forward to getting it. We know that real hope, the belief that something good is going to come our way, is kind of the fuel of real courage, real guts. I also know that a lot of my attempts to impress women failed because I didn’t really think I had a shot, but was just going through the motions. That’s why finding out that a girl likes you beforehand makes it A LOT easier to “be cool” around her. You have hope, so you take heart and charge in, because you know that the risk is small.
This is why it seems difficult to have better social skills with women in general. If you’re talking to a girl that you don’t know you’re flying blind with regard to whether or not she likes you. And, I know it was true for me, that I had a general attitude that the cards were stacked against me. I also didn’t think that there was anything I could really do, not really, to change myself.
Why did I think this way? Because I felt it. Somewhere along the way I picked up enough bad experiences to implant the idea in my mind and the feeling in my body that, hey, you know you’re not good enough. There are only two opinions in the world you can never escape from, God’s opinion of you, and your opinion of yourself. So, my opinion was no good.
Saying that you have to get success first, to believe that you are capable of attracting women is backwards. If you don’t start out believing “I am good enough”, then you won’t get success, or, if you do, you’ll still feel like a fraud. But, the good news is that if you come from this place of hopelessness, you don’t have to stay there.
The key is to get your beliefs in line with reality. The fact that you have free will, that you can make better decisions, learn new skills, is a fact. Read bios of people who’ve turned their lives around. Look for success stories. Look at the Bible, where people are consistently blessed by God for doing right, and reproved for doing wrong. God is not cruel, I don’t believe He is harsh on people for things that are beyond their control. I also don’t think He’s arbitrary, He blesses people who please Him, and what they do to please Him is under their control. But, it’s a fact that gets sidelined in the face of bad emotions and memories of past failures.
“Manliness” is a virtue, it’s the chief thing that is attractive to women and is heavily under our control. The key exercise is, when faced with a memory of past failure, or bad emotions about interacting with women, is to consciously reject it as untrue that you can’t do better. Then act like you can do better. Course correct. A little courage, and you’ll find you feel better about yourself and your prospects almost instanteously.It may be a while before your feelings and beliefs consistently (every time) coincide with each other, where you not only improve, but feel great about the process (and positive emotions shine through to women, very attractive), but it’s a nearly inevitable result.
Small steps towards acting by by the truth, and rejecting hopelessness not only as unpleasant, but as false, will reap some of the biggest rewards in your relationships with women, perhaps more than anything else. It’s foundational.