Moving Smoothly From Interaction to Phone Number

Phone NumberThis qualifies as a “rule of thumb”, which means there may be some times where this does not apply.

If you’ve gotten to hello and had a good interaction, it is best to set up a date right then and there. This is also one of the few times where having some concrete plan beforehand is a good idea. Suggest dinner, coffee, walk in the park, whatever, and set up a date and time. Asking for her phone number flows naturally, so you can coordinate.

This is a solid idea for several reasons. First, it robs the whole “getting the digits” thing of formality. It makes it easier for her to give you her phone number. Next, if you set a date and time, you can cut down on the irritating problem of getting a girl’s phone number, only to have her never pick up. You probably won’t completely get rid of this problem, but the “flake rate” will start trending down.

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This is also a good “leading” behavior, and can communicate decisiveness. You also are seeing how “serious” she is about you, giving her a chance to say no. So on that level it’s also a great time and effort saving device.

An extra word about “fear” since that seems to be the dominant experience holding most men who have trouble dating back. I know that when I first started, actually talking to girls was a big enough step, and I  didn’t usually take it to the next step.

Aquinas makes a distinction between two kinds of fear, a rational fear, the kind of thing that keeps you from walking out into traffic, and irrational fear. Irrational fear is, generally, when you let a fear of a small thing overwhelm your pursuit of a greater thing. This is why we admire courage, if there was nothing to fear it wouldn’t be that laudable.

You don’t have to “feel” brave to “be” brave,

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